I'll get over him

People who know me, know I am a person who expresses her feelings best through songs. Since I ain't that talented that I write my own songs (yet), I use music from various artists. One of my favourit artists is Celine Dion. Ever since I heard her song Think Twice when I was 11 years old, I have been a big fan of her music. Most of the lyrics from her songs have fitted at one point of time exactly to how I felt at that moment. So I thought I would let you guys know which song suits best to me today.

Allthough I am far from being over him, I started today with a different attitude. I love this guy so much, but if he doesn't love me back, it's his loss.... I just have to get over him and make something out of my life. Someday I hope to find a guy who loves me back in the same way I love him and we can be happy, but for now I am just gonna focuss on me.  

I have realised there is no point in trying to make someone love me, when they don't love me just because of me. I'm not gonna try and be better then I am. I am good just the way I am, I am beautiful just the way I am, I am loveable just the way I am!!! And everyone who disagrees, can kiss my lovely behind!!!

A broken heart

The last few years I was presumed to be happy with my husband, but no one knew how I really felt. I didn't know for long what I really felt for the man I choose years ago to spend my life with. Both of us tried our best to make something out of this relationship, but neither one of us was able to make the other one happy. So a few months ago I finally realised I didn't love this man I was married to.
Our life was more like brother and sister then anything else. We cared a lot for eachother but not like we should. At least from my side that's what it was. So I decided that I no longer want to be married to him. Our journey has still not ended since we are still married by law, but for the past 6 months we live the life of a single person. Because of that now my heart has broken in many pieces.


About 3 months ago he walked into my life, completely unexpected. I wasn't looking for love and especially not  in this intensity. It felt like the earth stood still, my heart stopped beating and then my whole life changed. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged here. My place was with that guy. We started to get to know each other and he was not like any man I met before. All guys I met always wanted to get you into bed as soon as possible. This one was different! He was kind, gentle and most of all he cared about getting to know me. We slowly started to get to know each other better and better. My feelings kept growing and I started showing him how I felt. It took weeks before we first kissed, but the moment my lips touched his it was for me like a firework.


Unfortunately this story doesn't end well. Last night we had again a talk about our feelings towards each other. He used to say he wasn't sure what he felt for me and after a while his whole attitude towards me started to change. He started to push me away and I just couldn't understand why. He made it clear he didn't want anything accept a friendship, but even that started to change and the more he pushed me away the more I tried to get close again. This went on for a few weeks, but last night he made very clear that the feelings he might once had, no longer exist. That message shattered my heart into a million pieces.


Now all I can do is cry and hope one day I will feel better again!

Just another boring saturday

Most people are glad when they finally got weekend, I used to be one of those people, but not anymore. Nowadays I look at 2 days of boredom. Offcourse I got my homework to do, which I do but that isn't much to look forward to. Also it means 2 days of not seeing the man I lost my heart to. And even though he doesn't want my heart, it still belongs to him. Most of the time I am sitting at home behind my desktop and tv just killing tme.

So you might wonder what happened that I don't like the weekend anymore? I can't really tell what was the trigger for me to start hating weekend, I just know I am glad when it's over.
Before I used to go to my friends, but I don't have many real life friends anymore. Most of them I lost touch with or they moved away. Which leaves me pretty lonely, since I ain't someone who makes friends easily. Well at least I don't call people friends that fast. Some people I just don't wanna let to get close. I've been hurt too many times.

So what did I do today? Pretty much nothing. Watched a few episodes of Californication season 1, talked to a friend on facebook about my broken heart, played a few facebook-games, watched some tv, worked for a bit on my report, and offcourse started this blog.

Well that's it for me today.