A broken heart

The last few years I was presumed to be happy with my husband, but no one knew how I really felt. I didn't know for long what I really felt for the man I choose years ago to spend my life with. Both of us tried our best to make something out of this relationship, but neither one of us was able to make the other one happy. So a few months ago I finally realised I didn't love this man I was married to.
Our life was more like brother and sister then anything else. We cared a lot for eachother but not like we should. At least from my side that's what it was. So I decided that I no longer want to be married to him. Our journey has still not ended since we are still married by law, but for the past 6 months we live the life of a single person. Because of that now my heart has broken in many pieces.


About 3 months ago he walked into my life, completely unexpected. I wasn't looking for love and especially not  in this intensity. It felt like the earth stood still, my heart stopped beating and then my whole life changed. For the first time in my life I felt that I belonged here. My place was with that guy. We started to get to know each other and he was not like any man I met before. All guys I met always wanted to get you into bed as soon as possible. This one was different! He was kind, gentle and most of all he cared about getting to know me. We slowly started to get to know each other better and better. My feelings kept growing and I started showing him how I felt. It took weeks before we first kissed, but the moment my lips touched his it was for me like a firework.


Unfortunately this story doesn't end well. Last night we had again a talk about our feelings towards each other. He used to say he wasn't sure what he felt for me and after a while his whole attitude towards me started to change. He started to push me away and I just couldn't understand why. He made it clear he didn't want anything accept a friendship, but even that started to change and the more he pushed me away the more I tried to get close again. This went on for a few weeks, but last night he made very clear that the feelings he might once had, no longer exist. That message shattered my heart into a million pieces.


Now all I can do is cry and hope one day I will feel better again!